AGING DISGRACEFULLY (and proud of it)
Old age ain’t for sissies, said Bette Davis
and she was doggone right
Boobs hanging so low I have to
set ’em in rollers at night
and shoved into “woman-friendly” bras daily
The way they swing wouldn’t make Frank
sing “ring-a-ding-ding”
Took up yoga to get flexible
advice courtesy of my physician
(not “Physical,” thanks anyway, Olivia)
Noticed that, in the Down Dog position
my skin of my thighs draped off my legs
like a curtain valance, but at least
I kept my balance.
That is, until the Salutes to the Sun,
when I grandly and loudly fell on my face,
laughing so hard I snorted at my own contortions.
This got other 50+ women chortling and
soon we were all flat on our mats doing
what older girls do best: Sharing a laugh
about ourselves, on our own behalf.
We finished class and Betsy blurted:
“A latte! Who’s with me?”
Soon around a table filled with decadent desserts
(which we dutifully split, counting calories somewhat)
we decided: Stay with yoga class, stretch at night,
walk in pairs or groups, eat (almost) right.
But never skip dessert: Old age ain’t for sissies,
nor for grumps, nor frumps. Just real women,
having our say and doing it (cue Nelson Riddle):
“Oooooooour Waaaaaaaaaay!”
© 2011 Amy Barlow Liberatore/Sharp Little Pencil
Sharp Little Pencil 
booguloo
That’s funny I was just listening to Frank and his 20 best… Can’t speak to the other “things”, I just know I’m tucking in my tummy and strapping it down with a garrison.. smiles
Sharp Little Pencil
Michael, somehow the thought of seeing this makes me a little queasy…!!
Tilly Bud
A wonderful celebration of us aging women! Have a dessert for me 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
You bet. Extra cheesecake over here, yo!!!!
vivinfrance
Mountains of fellow feeling follow! Alas, I couldn’t do yoga in my fitties, let alone stiffties and seventies.
Great poem, specially the desserts!
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, had to cut back on those, but it was great bonding with those women! I’m not able to do yoga at the moment (bursitis) so I’m taking up Tai Chi! Amy
Mary
I love this poem, Amy. Bette Davis was right! And you gave a lot of good examples!
Sharp Little Pencil
Bette Davis was a woman ahead of her time. First female head of the Screen Actors’ Guild! Thanks, Mary. A
Eileen O'Neill
Amy,
What a great piece of real life writing.
All those ‘bits and pieces’, doing their own thing, so suddenly too!!!
Best wishes, Eileen
Sharp Little Pencil
Eileen, thanks as always for a wonderful comment. Will come over your way and see what’s up! Amy
Sherry Blue Sky
I so love it. I relate to the pratfall and the snorting:) And the boobs and thighs. Hee hee. But at least you can still DO the Down Dog!!! This poem is a hoot.
Sharp Little Pencil
Actually, Down Dog is out of my repertoire until I get my bursitis taken care of! DRAG! Thanks, Sherry! A
Judy Roney
This has me in stitches! What a funny poem that has such truths in it. Growing old is not for sissies! Dessert after yoga is my way of living life to the fullest though.
http://judyidliketosay.blogspot.com/2011/04/lead-me.html
Debbie
Thank you for sharing this look and encouragement for those of us aging disgracefully! 🙂 It does help to laugh . . . a lot! ha!
beespoetry
Haha I love it! As always, really.
Man, what’s the point in taking yourself too seriously? Then you’re not allowed to be silly, and life is too short to miss out on silliness. This is definitely one of my guiding principles for my life. Silliness = fun = good = happiness. QED.
I’ve always wanted to try yoga or tai chi or something- I’m just a bit intimidated, because I have never been particularly flexible. It sounds like wicked fun though. Hmm, maybe I could meet people, like females of the 20-29 age range…… This is sounding like a great idea 😀 haha!!
Sharp Little Pencil
You are in the exact right range for taking up yoga. Check out the LGBT club bulletin boards, because they will have the friendliest classes!! Yeehah! Love from your other mother, Amy
Altonian
The same problems apply to men, you know. I can’t do most of the physical things I was doing even five years ago (let’s face it – at 78, who can?) but I still ride my mountain bike furiously; do gardening; carry enormous weights of shopping in a back pack, etc. etc. AND I enjoy my fat bacon, chocolate, ripe cheddar cheese (from England) and occasional beer. I smoke – but who cares? The flesh may be weaker – but the spirit to enjoy life lives on.
Sharp Little Pencil
Amen, brother. When my dad was 80, he skiied on his birthday! Good for you, keep up the good work, and keep the bacon coming!! Amy
Paul Andrew Russell
This made me smile, Amy. Isn’t ageing liberating?
I know an old lady, a very active old lady, in her seventies who stands on her head every single day. She broke her wrist recently and had to stop for a while. She wasn’t happy. 🙂
Sharp Little Pencil
So you can imagine my delight at developing bursitis in my shoulder! God bless her. When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple… and stand on my head! Thanks, Paul, Amy
brenda w
I love this, and relate to it! The thighs as curtain valance image will stick with me. The next time I attempt a downward dog, I shall close my eyes. LOL Fun piece!
~Brenda
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, and NEVER put a mirror on the table top and look directly down at it. If you do, you’ll never want to… oh, never mind, I think you know… LOL
Sandra
Love this! Your writing is brilliant. I could visualize absolutely everything from you falling on your face to the happiness of being with other women.
PS: I do yoga, and mine doesn’t sound anything near as fun as yours.
Sharp Little Pencil
Thanks for visiting, Sandra! We all got better at the practice… and began to order decaf instead of lattes. We also lost a lot of weight! LOL Amy
Buddah Moskowitz
AH too funny – hell, if you can’t grow old and love it, what’s the point? Well done, esp the descriptive language.
Big ups my sistah who could raise a blistah
Mosk
Sharp Little Pencil
I could not agree more. Won’t our mothers be proud when we are old and grey… or in my case, greyer? Ha ha, love from your sistah, A
Elizabeth
Oh yes! Been there and got the postcard…x
Sharp Little Pencil
And the T-shirt with room for low-hanging boobs?! (Oh, too much information… LOL) Amy
Nina
Oh, yes, I could have been there. My wrists HURT when I do downward dog! A great glimpse of the freedom/acceptance and wish to DO BETTER of older age. Thanks
Sharp Little Pencil
Yeah, my bursitis is making my yoga routine absolute hell. Going to learn some Tai Chi next! Thanks so much for stopping by and leaving so many wonderful comments, Nina. TO THE STORY BARN!!! Amy
Ribbons Undone
The boobs hangin’ low are the worst! I keep feeling like they should be higher!